I am exactly where I think I want to be. Maybe. That’s hard to say. That’s a hard thing for a person to know: if they are where they want to be, or even to ask the question: where do I want to be? So I think I am, is all. Let me explain.
Every now and then, I get in these really good moods. And it’s sort of like, I reach these checkpoints. I walked through one today on my way home from class at six oclock. The checkpoints are really just a feeling, but its a feeling that tells me not to take my good circumstances for granted. Things have been rough lately (how vague can he be?) but yes, they have not always been pleasant. Like I said in the last post, at times I feel like God is ignoring me on purpose. All for a point though. Of this, I am confident. My confidence even allows me to boast in my sufferings. But everynow and again, this feeling of contentment just comes right out of the blue and hits me in the chest. And I know that things are alright, and that things will be ok. (The word “things” is a terrible word. It should be eliminated from the English language. But I use it intentionally.) I know that things are alright because I can be happy even amidst conflict. And even more so when I am out of conflict, which it appears that I am.
I walked out of class and I was wearing my mittens (which are cool and tough, don’t you dare say otherwise) and it was cold enough to see your breath and I had to walk a mile home. I put on my headphones and sort of broke my rule about not walking around with music. But I had to today, the first day of school and all. Plus the sun was going down, I wasn’t going to see anyone anyways. And sometimes, I just can’t help it. I have to pull out my air guitar, even when I am walking down the lawn and passing a crowd of people. I just kind of jammed all the way home, and I was happy. It’s really simple. Music makes my life so much sweeter. I’m sure I looked very goofy, swaying back and forth with my arms around an invisible guitar, bouncing my head to a beat no one can hear. But I have stopped caring. That’s self will for you.
Things are good. I have reached a checkpoint. The lord has told me that my rest is in him. I like rock music. I am confident and anxiety free. And I am happy.